Humans r so fun to trick. Today human mom was puttin my toys up n couldnt find my orange meesey. I laid in front of the table by the sofa, looked under it n reached under like my meesey was under it. When human mom got down to get it for me i latched on to her arm with all my weapons n fangs. It was such FUN!

FISHIES!

Today human Bubba n Sissy brought home 3 fishies n i had to watch them to make sure they got all the guts out. So after the fishies were cooked i was gave a special treat of fishies! Best part is the butt-sniffers didnt get any even tho the big black one did her whinney pity act to try to get some. HA HA HA butt-sniffer!

Happy Mothers Day

Oh today didnt start out good even tho i wanted to make it a specially good day for human mom. I wanted to suprise her by gettin the bird ready for the day n uncover it. Guess what happen, bird pushed the cage off the table! Not only did the crash get human mom n dad up in a hurry, scare 3 years off of human moms life, it scared me too n i got in trouble! ME NOT BIRD N I WAS TRYIN TO BE NICE! That makes me sad.

Thing I Have Learned From Humans

1. How to open doors not the doors to rooms but cupboard n closet doors. They freak out though when i do like im really goin to hurt their removable skins when i climb up them or damage their pans when i bang them around. 2. Humans just love it when we go into stealth mode n jump out of nowhere to attack them. Human mom says that my mommie didnt give birth to me, she pooped me out. Whatever that means. 3. Humans can make a strange gaspin noise when you flick water on them from your water dish w/your paw especially when they r asleep. 4. Humans cant do anything without us, we need to be right with them at all times to make sure they do things right or they may destroy the planet! 5. Humans think they have to talk all the time or their tongues n lips will dry up n fall off. HHMM, more toys!

The Day The Bird Came

Every thing was goin great, i had the humans nicely trained to feed me on demand, to clean my potty box everday n to let me go where i wanted. OK they did try to get me with a white thing that squirts water to keep me away from certain things but hey it was just water n the white thing was easily killed with my weapons n fangs. Then human bubba n sissy came home with a bird! Dont humans kno us felines luv birds? In our food bowls, they r our ultimate prey! So i have to put up with this thing makin fun of me n laffin at me n tryin to get me in trouble. The other mornin while human mom was makin her stinky drink i let the bird out of its cage. Boy did human mom get mad but i was really only tryin to help, i swear!

Butt-sniffers Done

It took me a few days but i was able to get the butt-sniffers in to their place. I had to stand my ground, that i wasnt afraid of them n that i was the boss. Before i got here they thought they ran the show but i quickly showed them. Every now n then one of them need a reminder with a sound slappin or a painful pounce from out of nowhere. The little black butt-sniffer needs to be reminded every day, i dont mind, she makes a funny noise when i remind her, the others dont. Thing with butt-sniffers is if you control their food you control them. Yes the humans dish it out when they decide its time but like i showed the big black one i can eat all her food in front of her n their isnt a thing she can do about it cuz im faster. I wish the humans were that easy! One minute i think that i have then the next they take, or try to, control again. Like the day the bird came.

Mumbles n Poppet

See the felines that human mom call my Uncle Mumbles n Cousin Poppet r actually my superiors! We r all stationed to the plan, now to be able to contact them n set the ultimate plan in to motion, to take over the world n enslave all the humans as well as the dum butt-sniffers! OK human mom is lookin for phone so she can go to bed. I think i will sleep on her head tonite n fix her hair for her.